Many times nowadays, mothers find themselves having to return to work when their maternity leave is up. Sometimes this is due to a desire to continue in their career or, in some cases, moms feel they just need a break. More often I hear there is a need financially for the mother to return to work in addition to her husband. With single parent adoptions, there is commonly no other option than to work.
Returning to work after placement of your new family member is a very debatable subject. When you give birth to your child, it probably won’t have a major impact on the consistency of the baby’s life. When you adopt an infant, it’s still debatable as to how the child will do being passed around to new caretakers.
When you adopt a special needs child through the state, there are some serious things you ought to examine before you take in a placement. If the child is of school age and you work during school hours, there probably isn’t an issue. But if you have a kindergarten aged child or younger, there are some things you should be aware of.
Children who’ve been disrupted from a life and put into another need consistency. They need somebody that will be there to bond with, kiss their owies when they fall, to hold them during story time, and to praise their little efforts during the day. To take a young child who has been pulled out of at least one home and go straight back to work, can be very difficult emotionally. Daycare gives even more people to have to connect with. Having worked at daycares, I can tell you, no matter how much a worker enjoy the kids; there is no one that can replace that Mommy and Daddy love that you can give.
When our boys were placed, I’d already missed out on the first part of their lives. I didn’t want to miss out on any more. I didn’t realize how much they would really need me—and still do, during the daytime hours. My youngest is in a parent involved Early Intervention class, my oldest one was in Special Education until this last June. I needed to be here to run them to the pediatrician, psychologist, psychiatrist… I just can’t imagine having to take time off for all these appointments. This is why, oftentimes when the State selects a family for younger children, they may prefer to select a stay at home mom or dad if there is such a couple available.
If you must work, my advice is to consider the child’s new grandparent, friend or relative that will be close and consistent in the child’s life anyway. If you are able to work at home, that’s great. If you are able to coordinate your schedule with a spouse, that’s great too. I know some fortunate moms and dads out there that have flexible schedules that will allow for appointments and trading care of the kids. I understand you have to do what works best for your family. I just want to emphasize the importance of consistency and bonding in these special kids’ lives.
( Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog)