Sometimes, when single parent families have been through a period or crisis, or they are in the early stages of establishing themselves as separate from the former, two-parent family incarnation—things can get pretty chaotic. It can be a time where there is no routine and people are just trying to hold it together and get through the day. As the dust settles, however, it is important to start to put some order and routine into things. Figuring out where to start and how to create organization out of chaos can be a huge challenge…
I liken it to how things are after the birth of a new baby—you start out with this brand new person and everything in your life is disrupted—your eating schedule, your sleeping routine, how and when you take a shower and use the bathroom—EVERYTHING changes and seems up in the air. Gradually, however, you and the new creature start to get to know each other—you give in a little bit to his personality and temperament and you gradually introduce him to some routines and regular happenings in your family. Over time, you are able to get into a groove and create a reasonably orderly family routine.
After a separation, divorce, death, or upon first becoming a single parent family, life can seem pretty chaotic too. If you are sharing custody or your child goes to the other parent’s home on a regular basis (or irregular basis)—this can add some complications as well. Between work, family life, emotional upheaval, etc.—it can seem like everything is flying out of control. It is up to us to start putting some order in place of all that chaos. Start with simple things—regular meal times, make a plan for custody arrangements, school, work, and the every day details. Just deciding how you are going to manage laundry and the grocery shopping with some sort of predictability is a start. I found that focusing in on what would give my children structure and stability was a good place to focus—regular meals, clean clothes and sheets, orderly bedrooms and bathrooms, predictable transportation. Take it slow and easy, but start by getting the foundations down.
Of course, there will always be unpredictable factors and the need for flexibility, but getting out of the chaotic thinking and constant reactions and getting some structure and order into your single parent family will help move you toward a more secure and stable future—and give your children a sense of security and safety.
Also: Making Room for New Directions