Kids need boundaries. I certainly believe this. Or rather, I believe that all humans need a sense of safe space. We all need to be able to move about in our worlds with a feeling of security, a feeling that we know what the rules are. However, we also need to be able to push and shape those rules as well. How much push you allow and how tight your rules are happen to be two of the defining forces in parenting.
I consider myself to be a middle-of-the-road parent when it comes to rules, but I suspect that many would find me lax. I prefer the idea of non-coercive parenting. When I went to the Beverly Bos talk over the weekend, she summed up my philosophy perfectly: ask yourself if the world will end if you just let this go. This is what I try to do.
Sure, I have boundaries. When my daughter asks if she can make an invention in the kitchen, I’m fine with that. She can bake away, just as long as she eats some of what she bakes. The creation needs to be edible so her dad can eat it too.
Yes, I let my daughter play outside in the common area from the age of three. But I gave her physical boundaries, places where I can see her and make sure she is safe. We’re renegotiating them this summer.
Yes, I let my child stay up late sometimes. Last summer she wanted to stay up all night. Sure, I said. One night, let’s try. And we did. She lasted until 11:30. That was fine with her, and she didn’t want to do it again.
Sometimes preschoolers need to push to find your boundaries and try to renegotiate them. I see no harm in negotiating boundaries. Sometimes my daughter has some good points. I’m sure I occasionally have a good point too.
I don’t mind tantrums, and I don’t punish my daughter for trying to find the boundaries, finding them, and raging against them. If there are real boundaries and she pushes against them, I’m there to provide the boundaries and comfort her too.
What are your boundaries? Do you consider yourself to be a strict parent?
(Image courtesy of hortongrou at stock exchange)