Over the past year I have read several exceptional parenting books. The majority of the self-help type books that I read are written from a biblical perspective because my faith in Christ is the central part of my life and therefore what He has to say about child rearing and every other aspect of my life is of primary importance.
In January 2006, I had the pleasure of reading Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. Dr. Kimmel is the Executive Director of Family Matters™ whose goal is to equip families for every age and stage of life. Dr. Kimmel conducts conferences across the country on the unique pressures that confront members of today’s families.
A few points that the author made that really hit home with me include:
1. Stop practicing image control. I used to worry about what others would think of my children’s behavior because I am the only parent active in their lives, so if they misbehave I thought others would perceive the behavior as my lacking parenting ability. I decided not to let people’s judgments; like Aunt Vera’s world famous shifting of her glasses down her nose while peering over the top of her spectacles and emitting her tsk tsk tsk tsk sound at Thanksgiving dinner over my children’s less than stellar table manners be a motivating factor in correcting my children. Others do not know my children’s hearts like I do. What might be perfectly normal behavior for my boys might make another parent roll their eyes and sigh. Because of this now, I seek to affectionately request that they adjust their behavior when I think it is necessary, not when another person makes a comment or other expression that shows their displeasure.
2. One of the best definitions of love I have ever seen or heard was spelled out by Dr. Kimmell on page 52 and went something like “Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interests, regardless of the cost.” Wow. Think of how different the world could be if we could apply this type of love fully, all the time with our children and other people in our lives.
3.The driving inner needs of all children are the need for security, need for significance and the need for strength. One of my goals as a parent is to meet these needs on a daily basis. Yes I said daily basis, and before I read this book I did not realize these needs were to be met daily.
4.Finally, Dr. Kimmell pointed out that Grace based families are homes where children are given the:
A. Freedom to be different
B. Freedom to be vulnerable
C. Freedom to be candid
D. Freedom to make mistakes
Grace Based Parenting is available for purchase at Amazon.com , or check your local library. For more information about Dr. Kimmel or Grace Based Parenting check out the Family Matters™ website.