You fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Right? Wrong!
Statistics show that many marriages in Australia end in divorce and those who divorce once often end up remarried and divorced again. No doubt it is similar in other countries. So what has gone wrong? Could it be the attitude with which people approach marriage?
It’s almost like some people approach it with the idea that it can easily be undone if it doesn’t work out. And we have the examples of so many celebrities who marry and divorce in a short space of time and move onto the next partner where the cycle is often repeated.
Or it could be that not enough thought has gone into the choice of the right person. Or you have a blinkered view of what your intended is like, thinking they are close to perfect and not seeing their faults.
What can we do to change this?
We need to have an honest view of what we are looking for in mate- not the obvious tall dark and handsome as in romance novels. I suggest making out a checklist, not of physical characteristics but the qualities that you would look for in a marriage partner.
Foremost on your list if you are a Christian, is that your intended mate also needs to be Christian, 2 Corinthians 6:14, I John 1:6. That’s not an option. It is a command. To disobey is to betray God, and not put Him first. Marrying an unbeliever means you are coming from two different directions, have different aims, goals, and values. This makes for friction, often irreconcilable friction, in a household where one is Christian and the spouse is not.
To correctly identify the type of person you relate to, you need to have an understanding of yourself and your personality traits, as well as that of the person you are contemplating marriage to. I know, for example, I could never love with a man who broods and sulks and will not let me know what is going on. I would rather someone who will let fly. At least that way we have the problem out in the open. Then it’s soon over and we can make up.
A sense of humor is helpful too. So often my husband and I find ourselves laughing about an argument. Often it is the trivial things rather than the big dramas in life that cause the most friction.
Talk things over in depth before you get to the stage of commitment. Not just the little likes and dislikes but big issues like family background, how many kids, expectations of marriage and each other. There has to be something more than a physical attraction. Take time to really get to know the person, not just the surface likes and dislikes.
It helps to have some common interests. Okay you don’t have to do everything together bit you should enjoy some of the same things whether it is going to the movies or the football or relaxing with friends.
So once you’ve found your right partner, then what? Join me tomorrow to find out.
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Rule number 4 – One size doesn’t fit all