Even though two decades of parenthood really should have taught me better, a small part of myself still clings to my original joy of a peacefully, harmonious family. I haven’t given up hope and the fact that we have experienced some shimmers of harmony has been enough to keep those hopes alive in the face of some occasionally overwhelming adversity. The one thing I have realized is that harmony and peace can take time.
I’ve also learned that harmony definitely doesn’t mean that everyone is in complete synchronization and that we are all singing the exact same tune. In fact, in a family life—just as in music—harmony is actually the sound that comes from different notes working together to create a harmonious and pleasant sound. So, even though every family member may be quite different and singing a different note, we can all get together and have some intense moments of peace an harmony.
But, like I mentioned earlier, that harmony takes time and training and some allowances for all those differences. Part of what has helped create some harmony for my family has also been space—making sure that each and every person has the opportunity to spread out, have his or her own space and develop as an individual is part of what makes it possible for us to come together as a harmonious group. Since no one really has to push and kick to assert his or her unique independence AND individuality is not questioned, we don’t have to fight the simulation by being antagonistic. It has taken years of growth and development, however, for all of the family members to start to realize that. And, it takes the constant reminders from me that one person’s individual choices are not necessarily a critique or affront to another person’s very different choices.
Harmony takes time, and I’ve only started to experience some of the extended joys and pleasures of having accomplished some snippets of family harmony—but I still believe it is worth it!
See Also: Watching Individuality Unfold and Letting Our Kids Be Different From Us