Recently I was chatting with a parent who confessed that parenting had made her “softer”—not in terms of being squishy and emotional, but she wanted to talk about how she just felt more open and vulnerable and real as a person because of parenting. I thought this could be a fun topic for a blog here in the Parenting Blog…
I had to agree with my friend—I am more myself completely when I am with my children than with anyone else. I have never had a spouse, partner, friend or family member that I have allowed myself to be as real and human with as I just seem to naturally be with my kids. I think that definitely qualifies as “softening.”
Parenting has given me some other “soft” skills like learning how to apologize and let go after a mistake or mishap, and learning how to be patient. I was NOT a patient person in my younger days and now, after two decades of parenting, I feel comfortable describing myself as very patient and flexible—that is ALL do to parenting as far as I can tell. Parenting and family life has taught me just how little control I have over some very big things and also how a little organization and controlling what I CAN control can make a huge difference.
I know that I have much more patience and understanding with other people besides my children as well. One *side effect* of parenting is that I just don’t get upset or agitated by things that used to upset me pre-children—particularly at work or with social obligations. Part of it is that I don’t have time—my life is too full to worry about those little annoyances during the work day or to care what coworkers or others are up to, but another part of it is that I just don’t care. I have “bigger fish to fry” and things that seem to be truly important to me so I do not have time to get up in other people’s business.
How about you—have you found that parenting has made you softer; more open, vulnerable, understanding, and human?