I’ve seen and talked to many people who swear they will never marry or never get married again, or even never have another serious relationship. In doing research for this column, I find entire websites devoted to not getting married or seriously involved. There’s nothing wrong with that, since it is of course a personal decision. However, it is a good idea to examine why you feel that way.
For some, having been hurt badly in a previously relationship is enough to make them give up. This is an especially big issue for those who have been hurt many times. To those people I suggest delving more deeply into why they choose the type of mate they have been selecting. Often, there is an easy to define type, one that is not good for the other person. If you can learn why you choose such people, you can try to avoid it in the future, and perhaps begin dating someone more compatible. You may even decide that marriage isn’t entirely out of the question.
Loss is another issue. Someone who has lost a spouse may believe that he or she will never be able to love another person the same way. That may well be true, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you cannot love someone else; it just means it will be different. Of course, no one should rush into a new relationship either. It’s best to take your time and do what feels right to you. Just try not to make yourself feel as if you always have to be alone to prove your love to the one you lost. That person would want you to be happy. Sometimes it helps to join a support group so you can talk with other people in similar situations.
Some people just like being single. It’s fun, it’s exciting, and you don’t have to answer to anybody. That may be true now, but eventually, you may want more. I’ve seen people fall into deep depression once all their friends have married and started families, because they feel alone. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it is very difficult on some people. They just don’t find fulfillment any longer in the on again/off again relationship or the different date every night lifestyle. The problem is that it takes a lot of work to undo that kind of reputation if you do eventually want someone to take you seriously relationship-wise.
Certainly, there are many more factors that play apart in the above situations and there also many other circumstances that could lead to such a decision. My suggestion in any case is to take your time before making important decisions. You’re worth the time and effort it takes to find out what you want from life.
If You Like “Bad Boys” (or Girls) Read This
Dating: Listen to that Little Voice