It’s not that I’m jealous of Tyler’s relationship with his father. It’s, well, sometimes I wish he wasn’t so all fired up when he goes to stay with him. No matter how much I complain about not having “me” time the truth is when my baby is gone, I’m lonely, I miss him terribly and I can’t wait until we are reunited.
If you are reading this blog on Saturday, I am not in Mobile but in New Orleans. I am finally nearing the stage where Tyler and I will be returning home. When I return to Mobile, Tyler will not be with me–but it’s just for one day. His father wanted him to stay over an extra day and then he’s going to bring him back. Although it’s just a short two-hour drive, I didn’t want him to stay but I know that they need to spend some time together. Since Katrina, he’s gone from spending every Wednesday and ever other weekend with his father to seeing him every month or so. It’s been tough for both of them.
As Tyler prepared for staying the extra day, he was so excited. He talked about it for two days. I tried to play if off but it was really bothering me that he can leave me without looking back. I know it’s selfish of me to want him not to want to go but that’s how I feel. It’s the same as when school started. He went to school without looking back and I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. Although I realize that as he gets older, I am going to have to share him with more and more people, a part of me simply is not ready to do that yet.
In this day of deadbeat dads and parental alienation, I realize I am fortunate to have a co-parent who wants to be a part of his son’s life. So I shouldn’t pout when my son gets excited about spending time alone with his father. It’s healthy for Tyler to spend time with his father and time away from me. I don’t want either of us to become so dependent on each other that we can’t function when we are separated. Instead of having a pity party, I will use my time alone to have some longed for “me” time. And I will look forward to his return. He has already assured me that he will miss me and that he will call. And with childlike innocence, he took my face in his tiny little hands and said to me, “Mama, I promise, you’ll be okay without me for one night.” After that pep talk, how could I not be okay?
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