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Today I want to talk about kind of a dumb thing I got into the habit of doing, but that I realized one day could be hurtful. Sometimes I have a tendency to make too much fun of Jon in front of others. I’ve talked to him about it and he doesn’t seem to mind, but nonetheless I want to work on it.
The habit was born out of our shared college experience. The group of friends we were in playfully messed with each other all of the time, especially the boys. I kind of had to thicken my skin in order to function in it without being hurt constantly. Over time, I began reciprocating.
When Jon and I first started dating, we went through a mushy stage. I’m very glad that’s behind us, and shrivel in retroactive embarrassment when I think about it. I’m sure compared to other couples it wasn’t that bad, but for me, it was. When we started to emerge from that stage, I wanted to prove that I wasn’t super infatuated. I wanted to show others that I didn’t see Jon only through rose-tinted glasses; that we had a mature, adult relationship wherein we saw each other as human, and thus as flawed, but loved each other anyway.
This combined with my new tendency to make more fun of people (and I do want to stop and say that we were never cruel to one another, but this was never something I’d done before and so felt like a vast change in how I interacted with people. I also only engaged in it with the boys, since they were the ones who did it to each other) into what could be a bad habit. I would make fun of Jon in front of other people.
It was nothing mean, and it wasn’t like I’d sell him out in front of others. But sometimes it felt like it: sometimes it felt like I teased him a bit too much, in order to prove that it wasn’t like I’d merged with him into some joint being and would never hear a word against him.
Like I said, he never seemed to mind. But I’d start to feel bad about it. I should be the person who supports him before anyone else, so I shouldn’t be the first to start teasing him, especially in front of other people.
Now, that doesn’t mean I’m going to start being super lovey-dovey in front of others, too. And I’ll still have some playful teasing. Last night at quiz, for example, he swore to me that “Missouri” was spelled with only one “s.” I made some gentle fun of him for that; it wasn’t bad, especially because he wasn’t the only person at the table who thought it was spelled that way.
But overall, I’m trying to be nicer, to make fun of him less. He’s got my back, and I’ve got his. We don’t see each other through those rose-tinted glasses, but we still support each other through anything else.
Related Articles:
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*(The above image by imagerymajestic is from freedigitalphotos.net).