I think that we have a tendency to think of healing and recovery as an obstacle to be overcome. For both ourselves and our children, if we are recovering from something painful and traumatic like a separation, divorce, death, or other major life-altering event, there is not necessarily one “graduation” point where we go from suffering to being “all better.” Healing can take time and it can definitely be ongoing.
I have written before about how we can expect things that we thought were dead and buried to come up again and again for our kids. As our kids go through developmental stages, they might revisit painful times or want to work through things in a different way. But, sometimes, we need to allow for a process that may seem indeterminate and may be ongoing. It is tough to stay patient when a person just wants to get a tough time over with, or we want to move our children out of a painful place and into something more pleasant.
It can be tempting to expect our lives to subscribe to a definite order; the seven stages of grief or a set amount of time in order to heal and recover. Emotional recovery, growth and change just don’t work like that for most of us—especially not our children. Instead, if we expect that healing will take time, and it will take time and space for things to get to a more normalized place, we can allow for the true healing to occur. The healing that will be ongoing and integrate various aspects of our lives and our children’s lives too.
If you are concerned that you or your children are getting “stuck” or not making progress, you might consider seeking the professional help of a therapist or counselor. Keep in mind that it is not a race, but a counselor can help you learn skills and help you and your family move through the ongoing healing process.
Also: Strong Parent Emotions Can Be Scary
Allowing Yourself to Be Comforted
They May Not Be Emotionally Ready
Keep an Eye Out for Possible Problems