The term “micromanage” is pretty popular in the work world. I haven’t really heard it in relation to parenting much but it seems to me like it can apply. And, not just to parents of grown children either (although I’m sure we all know–and might be one ourselves–grown individuals who are still being micromanaged by parents with unhealthy boundaries.) As parents of growing young children and adolescents, we might cross the line from involved and supportive parent to overbearing, controlling and micromanaging…
Have you ever had the micromanaging boss or supervisor? The person who looks over your shoulder and tells you what to do and how to do it at every step of the way instead of allowing you some space and autonomy? Maybe you’ve had a boss who tells you that she wants you to go out there and “make things happen” and then once you get started on a project, she butts in and takes over, doing things “her way.” As parents, we might play the same role as that micromanaging boss without even realizing it. We might even be telling ourselves (just as she probably is) that we are being helpful, serving as a mentor or teacher, or just trying to keep our own reputation clean and keep ourselves from looking bad. Regardless, we are micromanaging and it is not good for our kids.
Parents who are healthily involved know what their children are up to and are standing by to be supportive or provide resources and facilitation when needed. They have good boundaries and refrain from stepping in and “doing it for them” or hovering over the child and offering advice, guidance, and unsolicited information–not to mention criticism. You might have to take a good look at yourself to evaluate whether you are being encouraging and supportive or whether you are being a micromanaging parent. Micromanaging can cause our child to have poor self esteem, or to give up and stop trying since “nothing is ever good enough.”
Also: Helping From Behind the Scenes
Sometimes the Best Action is No Action