I wish I could say that helping and teaching our children about making and keeping friends is a one-time lesson—one of those things like tying shoes that, once it’s mastered, we parents never really have to think about again. But, alas, learning how to maneuver socially and make friend, keep and let go of friends is an ongoing, often painful, lesson for our children. And parents can have a very strong role in helping our children evolve and understand how to make new friends, be a good friend, and when their friends may not be the best influences.
Some children seem to develop socially much faster and easier than others. Others may need extra practice, role-playing and conversations around how to approach someone, how to interact with potential friends, and what to look for in choosing “good” friends. Parents should expect that there will be some “crisis” periodically around the whole friend issue. When children change schools or move up to a new school, when a friend moves away, and during the years of adolescence are all times when parents may need to take a more active role in helping children learn to navigate the social scene.
For children who have a tough time making friends, it may help to find activities that he or she enjoys and support and encourage participation. A child may be more likely to be relaxed and get involved if it is something she really likes, and she’ll meet other children with whom she has something in common.
Part of learning about making and keeping friends is learning to deal with the loss and grief that can be associated with friendships. Additionally, children will also learn from mistakes and bumbles and parents may need to be on standby to provide support and information when things don’t go so well. Parents can help by taking their child’s social development seriously and expecting that learning how to make, keep and let go of friends will be a life-long learning process and, definitely, a large part of the childhood years.
See Also: Helping Kids Deal With Stress and Treating Our Children’s Problems as Though They Matter