As parents, we raise our children to know right from wrong. This long process is always being refined. You learn new methods that work best for your child and which methods to get rid of. You will find that shortly after your child starts to talk well, they will question you – a lot! Usually they start asking questions such as, “Mommy, can I eat this candy before breakfast?” Perhaps it might be something like, “Dad, can I stay home from school tomorrow?”
You know very well that your child already knows the answer but they insist on asking. It could be that they are testing your authority or that they simply hope you will not be listening carefully and slip up. Either way, the constant challenges over the obvious can be exhausting. A friend told me about a great tip that she used on her children. She stated that she started using this when the children were small, all the way through their teenage years. When I asked her if it really worked, she smiled and said, “Try it for you.” Now that was a challenge.
I decided to put her tip to work in my family. What was this great idea? It was really quite interesting and at first, I was not convinced it would work. She told me that on those days when the children ask repeatedly if they can do something, they know is wrong, try reversing roles with them. For example, if you have a ten-year old. Several times during the course of the day, he has bugged you to stay out past dark with his friend, just riding bikes around the neighborhood. He already knows the answer is no but insists on checking repeatedly. After about the sixth request, a decision was made to try this new idea.
Very casually, I turned to my son and making eye-to-eye contact, I said, “I’ll tell you what. You make up your own mind this time. Your father and I have taught your right from wrong and raised you to be responsible. I want you to think about it and then make your own decision.” With that, I walked away. I will never forget the look on his face. It was a combination of disbelief, excitement, and fear all rolled into one.
After dinner, the sun started to set. My husband and I went to the family room to watch a movie. Right around the time my son had wanted to meet his friend, he quietly slipped downstairs and plopped down on the couch. Without making a big deal or saying anything about his decision, I calmly handed him the bowl of popcorn. That night, we all sat there and watched the TV together. As I went into my son’s room to say goodnight later than evening, I told him that I loved him. As I got to the door, I turned around and said, “You know I am very proud of you.” He grinned and said, “I know!”