As my children get older, the role I play is much more “support” than it is center stage. More and more, I find that my parenting is happening behind the scenes and sometimes, they are not even really aware that I am involved…
This support role is not always easy for those parents who prefer to be stage front and center. If you have let your own self worth and self esteem get wrapped up in your child’s activities over the years, then when your role starts to change and/or diminish, it can be a bit traumatic. You might be wondering who you are now and what your “parenting” even means any more?
I spent years coaching my kids’ sports teams, leading Girl Scouts groups and volunteering in classrooms. While all those volunteer parenting activities were to support and encourage my kids, they did have a pretty public profile element to them. People knew me as “that parent who.” Now, as my children apply for college, or jobs—my presence is not even known by the people who interact with my children—and that is how it should be.
My middle daughter is currently hunting for her first “official” job. While she has done other temporary and short-term work projects, she is now feeling really driven to find the first real job. I learned from my eldest daughter’s foray into the work world that it is NOT my job to search the classifieds and fill out applications for her. Instead, I am taking that back seat—answering questions about how to fill out an application, suggesting who might be good references (but only when asked), and being the encouraging cheerleader when the “call” doesn’t come. It can be incredibly tough to sit back and play—not even a supporting role, but more of the assistant stage manager role—while our kids take bigger and bolder and risks, but it is so worth it as they gain confidence and experience. Besides, we are still here if and when they need us.
Also: Sometimes the Best Action is No Action
Discovering What They Truly Love
Older Kids Need to Hear You’re Proud of Them Too