I’ve recently shared that statistically, as a group, teen mothers who place their babies for adoption fare better (in terms of staying in school and off the welfare rolls, and avoiding another premature pregnancy). I should also say that there are many young mothers who do a very good job of raising their babies. (To see one of our dedicated blogger’s series on being a young parent, click here.)
I admit that I used to think two parents were always better than one. I now realize that being adopted does represent a loss for the baby as well as for the birthmother.
I also remember working summers while I was a college student at various camps. The campers in the more affluent camps were far more poorly behaved than those attending city-sponsored camps in poorer areas. I remember thinking about these kids, and reading that the average American child watches seven hours of television a day, and thinking, “Hey, I could do better than that.”
In my last blog I mentioned the books Jeanne Warren Lindsey has written on adoption. She has also written a series of concise books for teen parents. These include books on pregnancy, newborn care, relationships with the other birth parent (whether married or not), dealing with money and in-laws, nutrition,and raising toddlers.
I think this series is very necessary. At the same time I do worry that if these books were part of a general education program, they would make teen pregnancy seem normal. I think they would be best used in a group for teens who are pregnant and parenting. The book Annie’s Baby does a good job of showing the difficulties involved in teen parenting.
Camp Fire, USA also has some support groups and weekend retreats for young parents. There are also mentoring programs for young parents. One which I was involved in was Healthy Start, which matches young first-time mothers with community mentors, usually mothers themselves, who can be a listening ear, provide information about resources, and sometimes convey particular concerns or needs to a caseworker to follow up on.
If some young mothers would be willing to speak to a high school class, this might help teens understand what a difficult responsibility it is to parent. Perhaps one young mother who has chosen to parent her child could speak on a panel with one young mother who chose to place her child in an adoptive home could speak jointly. They could begin with their thoughts and emotions upon learning they were pregnant, when they likely had much in common. Then they can tell the thought processes that led them to their own decisions.
These would have to be pretty mature young people with good preparation. The temptation to justify their own choice would make it easy to be negative about the other one’s choices. They would have to be relatively comfortable with their decision, since it is likely that some of the teens they are speaking to would express negativity about one or the other speaker’s decisions.