When I found out I was pregnant with my third child. I cried. My daughter at the time was only ten months old and I was five pounds away from reaching my pre-pregnancy weight. I wanted another child but I had planned on waiting a few years. But by the time my daughter, Kelsey was born, I had adjusted to the idea and loved her fiercely. I was still a little nervous about having another baby though because even at nineteen months Alysta was still so much a baby herself.
I have to explain that Alysta was bright but because of physical issues she did not walk or talk yet. She had gotten glasses at fifteen months and began taking steps (before her eyesight was so bad she couldn’t see the floor when standing). Then she got a series of ear infections, which destroyed her equilibrium. So she went back to crawling. She didn’t speak clearly either (because of speech therapy, surgery on her palate, and hearing aids she is currently doing much better). So as I went to the hospital I was a little nervous because I felt that I still had a baby and wasn’t sure I was ready to have two. (I don’t know how mothers of twins or especially triplets do it.) But then just like me they don’t have a choice and have to figure out how to deal with it.
What I wasn’t prepared for was Alysta’s reaction to the new baby. When Tyler and Alysta, accompanied by my mother, walked into the hospital room Alysta saw me holding the new baby. After that one look she would not look at me again. I passed Kelsey to grandma and tried to get Alysta to come sit on my lap. She refused and clung to her daddy. I had talked about the new baby but obviously she hadn’t realized what it truly meant.
After I came home she continued to ignore the baby. It didn’t help that I had to have a c-section and couldn’t lift her myself. Lucky for me a week after the baby was born Alysta got tubes in her ears and began walking. Which meant that I only had one child I had to carry when we went somewhere. It was at about this time that Alysta finally decided that the baby was okay. Maybe she realized that Kelsey wasn’t going to go away.
Now Alysta and Kelsey are the best of friends. They play together constantly. Sometimes I even find them together in bed.
Here are some ideas to help your own child adjust to having a new sibling:
Talk about the baby. It is often helpful to choose a name before the baby is born so you can use the baby’s name. This makes the baby seem more real.
Get your child a special doll. Teach them how to hold the doll. Let your child help feed, dress, and even bathe the “baby”.
Read books about new babies. Talk about all of the things that your child will be able to teach and do with their new sibling.
Explain what having a new baby means. Let your child know that the baby will require a lot of attention from you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore.
Bring a gift to the hospital or home from the hospital for your older child. Tell them it is from the baby.
Make sure that you spend time with your child after the baby is born. It’s so easy to focus on the baby who demands your attention and neglect the older sibling.