Kids tend to be pretty black and white in their thinking and in how they see the world. They also have a tendency to be judgmental and come to snap decisions about things–at least during the adolescent years. As parent, we can help them learn how to open up and see beyond what is obvious; we can help them look for motivations and see beneath the surface of what appears to be going on.
Children can be so “in the moment” and this has some really wonderful things about it. BUT, that can also result in an inability to see beyond what appears to be going on right in front of their noses. Part of growing up and developing compassion, kindness and understanding involves being able to suspend judgment of what it looks like is happening and see things from the other person’s perspective. I do not think this is a natural character trait, but it takes learning and practice to be able to let go and look beyond the obvious.
For example, when a child gets in conflict with a teacher–she thinks the teacher is being “stupid” and “mean” by taking a hard line about an assignment or project. As far as the child is concerned, the teacher is purposefully trying to make her life difficult and miserable. Helping the child think through the situation from the teacher’s perspective may not change her mind entirely–but she will start to see that every conflict has more than one “side” or story.
I try to ask my children the big “why” and “what” questions when they are having conflicts or being judgmental of others: “Why do you think he said that?” “Why do you think that she is behaving that way?” “What do you think might be going on in her life to influence her decision?” We can all get pretty myopic and want to believe that our version of what is going on is the only version, or at least the “right” version–but we can encourage our children to learn how to step outside their own fears and defenses and see things from a bigger perspective.
Also: The More Good Stuff You Can Pass On, The Better
Teaching Kids About Practicing