When going through a divorce emotions are running high for everyone, especially the children. They are dealing with the loss in much the same way they would if there had been a death. They are grieving what once was. They had no say in this decision, yet it effects their lives dramatically. Some children take longer to go through the grieving process than others. But if you are there helping them and guiding them through this process it will help them get to the acceptance stage much more quickly.
Denial: No child wants to believe that his parents are splitting up. He may talk as if they are still together or may imagine that Dad is merely on a little vacation and will be back shortly. Children often feel rejected in this stage.
Anger: Children are often angry at their parents for splitting up. As a child they have no say in whether or not their parents stay together. What a powerless feeling this must be! They often throw temper tantrums and act out as a way to express this anger they are feeling bottled up inside.
Bargaining: The third stage of grief is bargaining. Children in this stage often try to convince their parents to get back together; to work out their differences. They may act out in search of attention from both parents.
Depression: Children in this stage may feel as if their whole world is crashing down around them. They feel helpless and alone. During this stage is it especially important to show that you are there. Talk to them and give them an outlet for their emotions.
Acceptance: When they finally reach the stage of acceptance they know “everything is going to be ok.” They quit focusing on trying to get Mom and Dad back together again. They get into a normal swing of things and accept that this is the way it is.
It is normal for children to grieve the divorce. They lost something that ideally they never should have lost. Be there for your children and be understanding of what they are going through. They will come to accept things, but be patient and let them grieve in their own time.