The cover from Sandra’s latest book, Lady of the Roses: A Novel of the Wars of the Roses
I’ve introduced you to Sandra Worth and promised you an interview. True to my word, here it is.
Courtney Mroch: How long have you been married?
Sandra Worth: A looong time, spanning several DECADES!! (I won’t say how many!)
CM: How many years did your husband commute for work?
SW: It’s been twenty years now.
CM: How long would he be away? (Days? Weeks? Longer?)
SW: For four very long years, he commuted out of state. It took him seven hours to fly home, so he only came once every fortnight, arriving Friday night and leaving early afternoon on Sunday. In those days I felt I lived at the airport. One night, my husband’s plane was delayed due to weather and I was all alone with the janitor as he cleaned up the lobby. It was midnight, and the airport was empty. My husband and I had so little chance to really enjoy one another in those days because there was a good deal of paperwork and many household jobs waiting for him when he got home. It was a very difficult period. Four years later, he found a job in-state, a hundred and fifty miles away. By that time our children were in school and the local housing market was very bad. Since we didn’t know how long the job would last, we decided not to uproot our girls and incur a huge loss by selling our house. My husband commuted by driving the distance, coming home on a Friday evening, and leaving early Monday morning. It felt like a vacation after what we’d gone through during the out-of-state commute.
CM: You mentioned it was because your husband did end up commuting for work that played a part in you writing. Did you always dream of becoming a writer, even before you were married?
SW: Oh, I was always writing, but I never really thought of becoming a writer! At eleven, I finished a book of fairy tales, and though I graduated in economics, my first job out of college was in finance. I put together an annotated bibliography on finance, and lo! and behold, it was published. I didn’t have time to even think of writing once I had children, because my husband’s job kept him moving around the country and I was always packing up the kids by myself and following after him. When the out-of-state move came, the children were in school and I suddenly had time on my hands. There were no jobs in town, so I had to decide that to do. Was I going to have a nice nervous breakdown? Should I run off and never be seen again? Or should I take up drugs, or maybe alcohol, or both? I decided to bury myself in writing. My friends had always told me I should write a book, and I decided I had been handed the time to do that
CM: Is your husband still commuting? If not, has there been an adjustment to having him around again all the time?
SW: My husband is still commuting.
CM: Besides writing, did you ever work outside the home or were you a stay-at-home wife/mother?
SW: I worked for a year, until we had our first child. My husband had to move on my due date. That was a rough patch. After my daughter was born, I was a stay-at-home mom. But I really never stayed at home — by this time my husband was always moving, so I traipsed after him.
CM: Did you ever get frustrated with the commuting routine and want him home permanently?
SW: Yes, of course, but he had a really good job, one that he enjoyed very much. As I mentioned above, we didn’t know how long it would last, so we didn’t feel comfortable selling our home and moving. In fact, we felt it would be like bringing out the umbrella before it rains. By a strange twisted logic, we thought that if we did move, he’d lose his job! So he kept commuting and we all made the best of it. I think the commuting actually bound us all together more tightly as a family. It’s hard to explain, but we didn’t take anything for granted and we appreciated everything so much more. Our daughters are married now, and interestingly, they married young men just like their father — with a strong sense of commitment to marriage, and a love of family.
CM: For wives who find themselves in similar situations with a husband’s job requiring him to travel and be away frequently, what kind of advice would you give them for coping during those times when it gets stressful? (If it ever got stressful for you that is.)
SW: Oh, yes, it got stressful, all right! At first I had my five year old little girl to go out with to dinner, and the museum, and the concert. But then, as she got older, she got busy with school and homework, and I was alone again. I made friends in the writing groups and courses that I took, and soon we were going to dinner, and the museum, etc. That helped me through the most difficult period. Now that my daughters are grown, I’m free to commute to visit my husband and we spend most of the week together. It feels just wonderful. Like having a grand box of chocolates to feast on. Love, and good friends can get you through anything. So that’s what I’d advise — a strong dose of love, and friendship.
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