You may have been married before and you may share children with that former spouse that you and your current spouse spend time with over the holidays. Navigating the holidays with your former spouse for your child’s sake can be difficult, but it’s important that both of you do your best – if for no one other than your child.
With this in mind, here are a few key things to keep in mind where your ex-spouse is concerned:
- Plan ahead – if your ex-spouse has your child for Christmas Day and you have them on the day after, make arrangements that facilitate letting your child go back and forth between you with little or no conflict
- Talk to your ex-spouse about Christmas Gifts – Controversial gifts should never be given by one parent without at least consulting the other, remember – it’s not about one upping each other or seeking permission, it’s about acting in the best interests of your child
- Don’t Break Any Promises – If you and your ex-spouse have come to an arrangement over gifts and scheduling – don’t break your promise on it – don’t arbitrarily change your mind without talking to them beforehand – this can also help reduce duplicating effort and gifts
- Don’t limit your child’s ability to take gifts from one home to the other – again, it’s not about the two of you, it’s about your child
- When it comes to your current spouse or their current spouse – help your child shop for them as well as for your ex-spouse – kids love to give their parents gifts and when they are young, sometimes they need your help
- If your child is with you on the holiday, let them call their other parent and wish them a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah or other – it’ll be important to everyone involved
- Dealing with your ex and your current spouse around the holidays is in the best interests of your child and it’s important to give them permission to love all the adults in their life
Sherry did a great series on spending the holidays with stepfamilies and I would encourage you to read that as well, but you should also recognize that the holidays are a perfect time to remember that you once made a commitment to your ex-spouse and if only for a few days, you should both do your utmost to get along and make the holidays a very special time for the child or children you share together.
The best gift you can give your children and each other is the right to love all of you without recrimination or regret. How do you and your ex-spouse handle the holidays?
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Christmas Eve Traditions for Couples