How many househusbands do you know? Consider it and don’t be surprised if you know a lot more housewives than you do house husbands. There’s a reason for it, our society doesn’t endorse the idea of husbands staying at home and being Mr. Mom. Just rent the Michael Keaton film to get an idea of the perceptions – weirdly enough – though that movie was made in the 1980s, the perception of househusbands has not changed all that much in 30 years.
I know three couples that have househusbands where the wife goes to work and Dad brings up the kids and handles all the household responsibilities. It’s not that the wives don’t do housework or help out around the home, but they kiss the kids and the husband in the morning and leave for ten to twelve hours and he handles running the kids to their various classes, friend’s houses and school.
When asked, they often say they work out of the house and just leave it at that. When I talked to one of my friends about it and asked why he didn’t just answer the question straight up, he shrugged it off. He gets tired of defending his choice.
Emasculation
Too often when I tell people that I’m a househusband – they look at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted two heads. They get almost uncomfortable. They also seem to lose some respect so, I just don’t bother. I tell them I’m working out of the house and leave it at that. Half the time, the guys probably think I have a babysitter at the house or drop the kids off at one.
He’s uncomfortable enough with mentioning it anymore, that he asked me not to use his name here. Becoming a househusband is a choice for men the same way it is a choice for women who are housewives. The choice, personally speaking, should be between the husband and the wife.
Too often in our society, however, we project our feelings and beliefs on other situations. If we don’t understand why someone can make the choices they do – we get even more judgmental of them.
The Age of Enlightenment
There are plenty of reasons to choose to be at home for men and women alike. While men may not be typically case in the role of nurturer, that doesn’t mean they can’t do it. When I asked some of my friends who are househusbands why they made the choices they did, the consensus answer came out as follows:
We wanted one of us to be home with the kids. There were more advancement chances in her job and she made more money – so after she got pregnant the first time we talked about it. So now, I stay home with the kids and she works. It was a little tough sometimes – on the other hand, I love the time I get with the kids and my time with my wife is even more special now – I have a better understanding of how women think and I can really appreciate the facts about what other housewives do.
Of the three of them, only one plans to go back to work full time when the kids are all in school. If you have never met a house husband and you do get a chance to meet one – remember – they aren’t emasculated and we aren’t enlightened – they are choosing their family first – and that’s about as traditional as it gets.
Related Articles:
Marriage and The Submissive Spouse
You Can’t Change Each Other (Can You?)
Standards of Comparison: Housewife Versus Stay-At-Home-Mom