In my vision of myself, I am not a pushy parent. In fact, I like to think that I am a gently encouraging and supportive parent. Surely my thinking might be clouded by a little bit of denial, but definitely pushy and overly-involved I’m not (I think). I will admit and confess, however, to being guilty of the occasional gentle nudge…
About a week ago, I went out for the evening with an old, dear friend of mine who has very recently become a grandmother two times over (in the course of a few short months–two grandbabies, one from each of her sons) and as we chatted and caught up, I couldn’t resist asking her about making transition from being the one in charge, the Mom, to taking a back seat and being the non-meddling grandmother. How on earth was that going and how did she keep her mouth shut?
Well, I was grateful that she candidly admitted it was darn hard! She said it was hard to not spill out all of her hard-learned experience and wisdom and wait to be asked and invited in. Fortunately, we decided that years of motherhood (or parenthood) teaches us how to give the gentle nudge or offer the “suggestion” without issuing directives. At least, that’s what we like to think we’re doing. Our kids, on the other hand, may interpret the gentle nudge as just as obtrusive as a big shove. They are, of course, working at taking control of their own lives and doing things their own way. We think we know what’s best for them and they are determined that they know what’s best for themselves. It’s a bit of a conundrum.
Well, I know that like my dear friend, I am probably not going to ever be able to butt out completely, it’s either not in my nature or it comes with the parenthood territory. However, I’ll continue to work on not being too intrusive and just giving the ever-so-gentle nudge now and again.
See Also: Parents Have Emotions Too, Can a Mother Get Her Feelings Hurt? and Are You Hanging On to Parenting Techniques and Strategies That Don’t Work?