“Delicacy” is not a word that I often hear any longer—especially as it relates to human interactions. We tend to be living in a bold, straight-forward, honesty-no-matter-what world if you ask me and maybe as parents, what we could use a little more of, is a bit of “delicacy”…
I know that the word delicacy can imply a weakness or a frailty, but that is not how I am thinking of it. I am thinking more in terms of using some diplomacy and gracefulness in how we approach subjects and situations. As our children get older, we really may find that we can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and modeling and using a bit of delicacy has more influence that the bold, direct, because-I-said-so approach.
There is a time and a place for everything, of course, and adding graceful delicacy and tact to our parenting arsenal only expands our effectiveness. Think Victorian movie, think of a Renaissance court, think Emily Post—just because we are 21st century parents, does not mean that we can use a bit of careful tact to guide and influence our children.
I have found that there is definitely a time and place for a little delicate care with my teens—if only for the fact that it shakes things up and they don’t always expect it. It can be disarming and as long as I am completely sincere, they do not accuse me of being syrup-y or fake. Our children are exposed to so much “in your face” directness that learning how to approach subjects or having a caring conversation with care and tact—especially as demonstrated by their parent(s) can really be a good thing. Not to mention, I find that I feel better about myself when I am treating my children respectfully. Of course, there is always room for humor, direct confrontation, and setting firm boundaries and limits—but there is also room for gracefulness, diplomacy, careful tact, and delicacy.
Also: Let Child Overhear Praise, Not Criticism
Feeling Rejected–a Mother’s Perspective