As if maneuvering around dating as a single parent isn’t enough of an issue in and of itself, many of us also wrestle with how we should behave or act when we’ve seen someone long enough for it to become serious—especially how we should behave or act in front of our children. It will depend on our values, our past experiences, and the values of our potential partner, but it is an issue worth giving some thought.
I read conflicting philosophies and advice on this issue all the time. Some say how important it is for our children to see us being affectionate in a healthy relationship and others say that we shouldn’t display any affection with another adult in front of our children at all. I cannot help but think that there must be a healthy balance. Hugging friends and family, hand-holding, can be really healthy ways to demonstrate affection, but again, when is it okay and how can we be sure that we are sending the right message to our children? I think it depends on your own comfort level, as well as what has been “normalized” for your family.
As example, my kids have grown up in an environment where hugging is incredibly common—both with family and with friends. They have been brought up knowing that this is one of the prime ways we show affection with our close friends and family members. They also know that there is “acquaintance” hugging which can be for friends and colleagues that were are fairly friendly with, but differ from the warm embraces we share with those closest to us. For this reason, they wouldn’t get up-in-arms if they saw me give an acquaintance hug to someone I had been out with a few times. Hand-holding would be considered fairly casual too. Kissing in front of them, however, would be reserved for someone who we had all gotten to know very well. In a family where hugging is rare, hugging a date or potential partner might mean a great deal.
I agree with the experts that say that warm, appropriate, physical affection is a good thing to show and share with our children, but I also accept that it all depends on your family values, comfort-level, age or your children, and your personal and family circumstance as to how much, what and when affection in front of the children is appropriate.
Also: Dating When You Both Have Kids, Part One
Treated Well in Front of the Kids