For many single parent families, evenings can be incredibly hectic. When my children were younger, it was a toss-up between crazy mornings and hectic evenings, but over time, I developed some strategies for making at least some evenings more relaxing and less chaotic.
I think carving out a more relaxing evening takes both planning and letting go. Prioritize what absolutely has to happen and then see if you can figure out a workable way to do it. Does everything have to happen before dinner? Can you spread things out to make room for more casual connections with your kids? How about setting a time limit on homework and prioritizing family time too?
Here is what I came up with to make our family evenings more relaxing: I would take about 10-15 minutes when I first got home to check the mail, check in with the cats, change my clothes and/or take a shower, check messages, etc. My kids learned to give me these brief minutes and then I would be totally available to them after that. Next came homework and getting some appetizers going. My kids would always come for food, so if I put out some snacks, they would congregate with their homework and start to tell me about their day. I might even indulge a glass or wine or beer or have a cup of tea myself while I started making dinner.
Most nights, we would have dinner earlier rather than later because everyone really was/is hungry. 7 o’clock is generally the latest we would eat dinner if we needed to adjust for someone’s evening activity. We try to make it so that any phone calls that come in for anyone prior to the end of dinner go directly to voicemail and we return calls after. I try to plan dinner in advance. Usually in the morning as I am getting ready for the day and I will jot down a menu on a notepad and leave it on the counter. That way everyone can check the menu to see what is coming and now that they are older they can pitch in and help if they can.
I try to make myself available for spending time with my kids until bedtime most week nights. If I plan something I make sure to tell them in advance and we make adjustments. They are often busy during the week too but our routine allows them to know when to get home if they want dinner and what to expect from me. I really believe that by making oneself available and settling in, a single parent can create a more relaxing “vibe”—if you are trying to do chores, work at stuff you brought home from the office, return phone calls, etc. then the kids have a tendency to act out because they want and need attention. I save my chores and such for before bed and when I get up in the morning (except for washing up the dinner dishes). Time management and prioritizing family time can make evenings more relaxing.