I thought you might be interested in taking a peek into the highly scientific, complex methodology I use to choose the books I will review for you here at Families.com. It all begins with a library card and a very beat-up book bag that has seen better days and looks like it has been the object of much attention from an Uzi.
I go to the fiction section and scan the shelves, looking for any books I haven’t picked up yet. Here’s where things get really scientific – I start shoving books in my bag right and left, until the seams are screaming for mercy. Then I shove in a few more for good measure.
If I have the time, I’ll skim three random pages in each, looking for profanity. Most of the time, however, I’m in a hurry, so I grab whatever I see that looks interesting, and then I haul my large bounteous load to the counter, where I make everyone behind me wait while I check out.
Once home, I sit down and examine the books the way I would in the library if I had time. I skim three pages at random, and if I haven’t found anything objectionable, I put the book in one stack and put the objectionable books in another. This three-page test actually cuts my stack in half, if you can believe it.
Then I pick up the first book and read it until I find one of the following:
1. A bed scene or strong sexual suggestion.
2. Gratuitous swearing.
3. Gratuitous violence.
4. A writing style I just can’t stand.
5. A message that I can’t in good conscience pass on.
Most of the time, the book in question doesn’t make it beyond ten pages before I come across one of the above. I then put the book in the other stack and pick up the next. I do this a few times before finding a book I can read beginning to end. I review roughly ¼ of the books I bring home from the library. But don’t feel too sorry for me; it’s a great workout.
The most difficult thing is determining at what point the book becomes gratuitous. Each reader has their own set point at which they feel uncomfortable reading a book. For some, any swearing at all is taboo. For others, give ‘em a hot and heavy romance, and it doesn’t phase them a bit. As I search through these books to find ones that I can recommend to you, sometimes I find a book that’s fabulous except for that one word on page 101. It’s a hard call for me to make. So much good literature has that one word, that one little thing, and I wish I could reach through the computer and scribble that one word out for you so you can enjoy the book fully. I have in the past given small warnings so you can decide for yourself, in the hopes that together we can navigate the world of literature and find the very best. In the meantime, I’ll keep lugging home those loads of books, looking for those that are perfectly clean and uplifting. It’s a worthwhile pursuit and I love making the other library patrons curious at my heavy loads.
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