Unlike mothers who deliver a baby, I was not one of the first people my child saw or even depended on. She had a birthmother, then two hospitals, then a loving foster mother for ten months, who as far as she knew was her mother. She had a name and a history before I ever met her—or before she ever met me.
Some things adoptive parents do are send pictures the child can look at. Our agency required this if the child was over eight months old. We used one of those soft cloth book baby albums with plastic slots for the pictures. You could also laminate the pictures. Of course a regular album could be used, but it’s nice if the child can handle the pictures him/herself, so a tear-proof album is best. These are sent via the agency.
We also sent a tape of our voices. My husband felt awkward thinking of what to say, so I had him read a children’s book to her. We then brought that book with us when we went to pick her up. My toddler sang the ABC song and I sang a lullaby and talked for a while.
The sense of smell is important to a baby. I bought a small stuffed animal/blanket combination and slept with it for a few nights, then put it in the box for the baby.
These were sent from the US agency to the Korean agency, then to the foster mother. In our case they waited at the US agency until a staff member was traveling there. Then they waited at the Korean agency until the foster mother brought the baby in for her monthly checkup. So they actually got to our daughter about the same time we did. At least she did get to listen to the tape over the next few days until we brought her home. Remember that mail and travel may not be as efficient as you are used to and be patient. Send the materials early, if possible, and perhaps more than once. Perhaps also bring a copy with you if you travel to pick up your child. One older child I know, immediately upon meeting his new parents, dashed inside to retrieve his picture of them so he could satisfy himself they were the same!
Please see these related blogs:
Adoption Transitions #2 All About the Baby or Child.
Adoption Transitions #4 Planning For Transition.