How do you solve problems in your family? There are many difrerent ways families solve problems and three of them are outlined in the book , 365 Ways To Help Your Children Grow, by Shelia Ellison and Barbara Barnett. The three styles the authors identify are : mouse, monster and direct .
Mouse Style
This style involves crying, whining, moping and begging.
Monster Style
In this style there’s a lot of yelling, intimidating and threats.
Direct Style
The last style involves simply telling or asking “without buffing things up or watering things down”.
The third style is the most effective way to solve a problem. As a way to illustrate to your kids why this style is the preferred style, the authors suggest an exercise where the family has to solve a problem using all three styles. Decide on a problem and work through it. For instance, the authors give this scenario: the president is coming for dinner but your house is a mess , you have nothing to cook and there’s piles of dirty laundry.
First, try to solve the problem as a mouse with lots of crying and whimpering. You probably won’t get much done using this method. Then try the monster style. Things might get done but you and your family will be a nervous wreck. Finally, solve the problem using the direct style. In a calm manner, sit down and discuss what needs to be done and then map out a plan to get it done.
Experiment with different problems that might actually happen within your own family and work through them using each of the methods. At the conclusion of the activity your kids (and you) should see the futility of using the first two methods to solve problems. Sometimes we are so accustomed to doing things one way, yelling for instance, that we get comfortable doing it even though we realize it’s not the best thing to do. When we role-play we get a chance to see just how silly we look.
See also:
Teaching Your Kids To Be Helpful
Teaching Your Kids To Show R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The 3 C’s Of Effective Communication