For the past few years or so my sense of style and who I am slowly crept away. As the pounds packed on my style…who I was…fell away. I didn’t realize it at first. The two worked together to create the perfect storm that worked against any weight loss routine I started and any self esteem I had left. Instead of shopping for clothing I liked I began to shop for anything to cover my body. Clothing became my way of punishing myself for being overweight. A body 20 pounds overweight does not deserve to be in fashion, right?
I can’t say it was logical or even done on purpose. I simply gave up and let myself go. It was so easy to eat a few Oreos when I looked in the mirror and saw a frumpy hippo. What difference did it make? Yes, I was that low on myself. I hardly put make up on. I hated to go out. My introvert tendencies began to take over. I did not look forward to seeing an old friend come to town because she would see me and I would be FAT. I didn’t want to go to any social events because I was embarrassed of not only how I looked weight wise but my frumpy ways. I looked in the mirror and I was gone. Some overweight chick with no sense of style would just stare back at me. She was a great pal for late night Seinfeld episodes and bowls of ice cream but out in public…I simply can’t imagine. Now, friends, this was at 20 pounds overweight. Yes, that is a lot of weight but it is not hide in a closet and starve yourself kind of weight.
I decided to no longer buy clothing I did not like. I took that one simple step. I was buying clothes to hide in and not wear. I would see other women who were overweight and think, “why can’t I look that good?” You know what I found out? I can. I also found out something sad. Most felt just like me. They felt ugly, unworthy, and hopeless.
Let’s not punish ourselves for our weight. Not punish ourselves with buying clothes that look like tents, not going out with friends, eating when we know we shouldn’t, telling ourselves we are not worth it, not buying ourselves new clothes, or anything else you do to tear yourself down. Replace those negative thoughts with a healthy snack, a new pair of earrings, planning a night out, or sitting with tea and reading a favorite book. It may sound cliche, but negative thoughts are the true enemy under the fat.