If you have ever had to ask your toddler more than once to do something, you are not alone. I’m pretty sure that there are not many parents out there whose toddlers immediately respond to their every request. It can be very frustrating to ask your toddler repeatedly to do (or not do) something, only to feel like your words fall on deaf ears.
There are a few reasons why toddlers do not respond to our requests the first (or second, or third) time. Fortunately, there are also a few things that we can do to encourage our toddlers to comply with our requests before we become upset at them. Of course, these strategies may take a bit of effort and it can be hard to remember not to just respond in your usual way.
One major reason that toddlers often do not respond to a request from a parent unless they are asked repeatedly is that they need their parent’s help in switching from doing one thing to doing another. For example, if your little girl is playing with her toy horses and it is time for her to go to bed, she may resist your request to stop playing and get into bed. If you give her some advance notice and a gentle suggestion, she may be more inclined to do what you would like her to do. You could tell her that she has five minutes to get the horses into their beds before she goes to her own. That lets her know that you acknowledge that she is busy doing something and that you are willing to give her a little time to bring the activity to some kind of conclusion instead of expecting her to walk away from it immediately.
Another reason that toddlers may not do what we ask until we ask multiple times is that they feel disconnected from us. Even children with a parent who is at home with them all day can experience a feeling of disconnection if, for example, the parent has to be on the phone a lot one day or a younger sibling requires a lot more attention. If you can reestablish a connection with your toddler as soon as you return from work, get off the phone, or put the baby down for a nap, there is a better chance that they will cooperate when you make a request of them later. It is also important to remain connected to your child while making requests, and approaching your toddler with empathy is a great way to do this.
Hopefully these tips can help you and your toddler to move away from the pattern of repeated requests before compliance. Both of you will benefit, you will be less frustrated and your child is likely to respond much more quickly to your requests.