We parents want to find a cause and effect for everything. In fact, most of the parenting books and magazine articles lead us to believe that we have far more power to control our child’s temperament and behavior choices than we probably do. One of the issues that seldom comes up in manuals and “how to” statements is allowing for differences in personality—for kids AND parents. Have you ever stopped to wonder just how much of what happens in your family is due to personality?
One of the things that happens when you’ve been at parenting for a while and actually watched your kids grow up—is that you can see big swaths and waves of personality that have been with them from the very beginning. A parent is finally able to realize that it wouldn’t have mattered WHAT she did, the child would have clung to these personality traits regardless. This can be a big relief, or a big frustration—depending on the personality trait! The other thing that happens is that a parent is able to develop some understanding and appreciation for how her personality has affected her parenting. After all, we parents are people too. Chances are, our personality hasn’t been drastically changed just because we became parents.
Allowing for personality doesn’t mean we should give up on trying to raise decent citizens and that we should give up on parenting and just let the chips fall where they may—but may give us a little breathing room. It might also help us to educate ourselves and target our parenting efforts based on what works best with different personality types. And, we may be able to relax a little and develop some appreciation for all the differences and unique personalities we have living under our family roof!
See Also: When You and Your Child’s Temperament DON’T Match