My daughter has a chronic health condition, so there are precautions I need to take on a daily basis to ensure she stays as healthy as possible. These are considerations other parents never think of that have become second nature to me and to my husband as well. There are people who don’t seem to get that.
On Labor Day we took Maggie to her first fair, complete with animals to pet and kiddy-rides that spin. She loves to spin. She had such a good time that she cried when we tried to leave, so we turned around and went back for more. We washed her hands after every ride, after petting animals and before eating. Doesn’t every parent? We steered her around the smokers and the coughers. Who wouldn’t? Overall, it was a great day and a great night of sleep. However, throughout the course of the day we received two comments both about the simple fact that we had Maggie “out”. Both comments relayed to us how the person was both surprised and happy that Maggie was getting out into the world. They were hurtful and confusing.
When Maggie was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, she was 6 days old and it was January, in New England no less. At the specialist’s recommendations, there would be no playgroups, daycare, or outings in Maggie’s near future. She wasn’t to go anywhere she didn’t have to go. No grocery store, no mall. Once summertime finally rolled around, we took her for plenty of walks, took her to visit relatives and had as much outdoor fun as a 6 month old can have. Then fall and winter came to town and brought the dreaded “swine flu”. Maggie was back on lockdown since the swine flu could mean serious trouble for her. Serious trouble being a hospital stay, irreversible lung damage or death. She went for rides in her sled, but again, no grocery store, no mall, no playgroups. And since she couldn’t walk, a day of playing in the snow seemed somewhat silly to us. It was what had to be done and she made it through with only a runny nose that lasted for a couple of days. Success in our book. And what was she really missing out on?
As it turns out there are some people in our lives who think Maggie is missing out on life. The opinion is that we shelter her too much, that we overreact. But Maggie isn’t even two. Does she really need a playgroup? She sees other kids but doesn’t care to play with them. She plays around them as they do her. And in a playgroup, there is bound to be one kid who is sick at any given time. So should I constantly disappoint her with trips to a play place or park that have to end abruptly because a sick kid coughing and sneezing on the toys and on Maggie shows up? I don’t think so.
So how much sheltering is too much? She runs errands with me, eats in restaurants, gets visits from my friends, plays with her cousins, goes to the beach, and takes road-trips to visit relatives. We are always armed with sanitizer and ready to keep her away from anyone with a respiratory illness. If there is an air advisory warning, she stays inside. If it is extremely hot outside, she stays inside. Is this too much sheltering? We don’t think so, and if someone else does, is it really any of their business? How do I tell these critical, hurtful comment makers to back off? I’m not sure how to do it with style. So I’m going to try just plain-old bluntness. If they can be so blunt as to make underhanded comments implying that I am not a good parent, than I can turn it around and tell them they can either accept our rules or keep their thoughts to themselves. Right? I hope so. Here’s to the new fall and winter seasons fast approaching and to all the illnesses they bring. May none of them land on my daughter, and may the comment makers resolve to keep their opinions to themselves.