If you want to know how not to give advice, take a look at the book of Job. For anyone who finds themselves in a counseling situation, this book is invaluable.
We have been studying the book of Job in our home bible study group. Rather than going through it in a chronological way, we were encouraged to read the book through to get an overview, then we have been looking at each of the characters and what they have to say.
Job’s wife is only seen once during this book. It is far from a flattering picture. She is no support to Job, as her advice is,‘Curse God and die,’ Job 2:9.
Unlike his wife, Job’s friends do try and offer some support. When Job suffers all his losses, his three friends, Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, rally round to help him, at least that appears to be their original intent, as they come to sympathize and comfort him, Job 2:11. They weep when they see the state Job is in, Job 2:12. Then they sit with him, not saying anything, just being there, so he knew he wasn’t alone.
Years ago, when a friend’s unmarried daughter had a miscarriage many well-meaning Christians came around offering platitudes like,‘It’s all for the best. This is God’s will. You’ll have other children. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, etc.’ While there may have been an element of truth in some of what was said, none of it helped this young girl. Why? Because those offering the advice failed to consider this girl’s feelings. Though well-meaning, these people failed to take into account that my friend’s daughter was grieving and trying to come to terms with the loss of this unborn child.
So in any situation, before we start handing out advice, we need to empathize with the person, try and put ourselves in their place and imagine how we would feel if it happened to us.
Among those Christian friends came one, who held the girl and cried with her. ‘You were the only one who cried with me,’ she said to the woman later. Just to know someone cared, recognized how she felt and mourned with her the loss of her baby, was the most help.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is not to jump in, feet first, offering advice, but simply to hold them and let them know someone cares. We should never be in a rush to give advice, not even words of scripture aimed at trying to fix or explain away the problem. If only Job’s friends had realized this!
Tomorrow we’ll look at these speeches of the friends and then arrive at a list of practical tips for giving advice and help to those suffering.
Bible verses from The New American Revised Version
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