I remember years ago when I had tiny children and found myself increasingly parenting on my own–there would be weeks where I was solo parenting and I had certainly never expected that I would be “that kind of parent.” That hadn’t been the agreement I had with my husband and my children’s father, after all! We were going to do everything 50/50, or so he had promised. Over time, I learned all sorts of important lessons about parenting on one’s own—enough so that when it became apparent that I was “almost” on my own and the marriage was over, I had already adjusted to the realities of single parenting. The number one rule: Set reasonable expectations!
When I had three children all under the age of three and a half, I figured that if everyone got fed, bathed, clothed, and changed and I had a shower and brushed my teeth—we were having a red letter day! This was a far cry from my over-achieving days prior to having children when I could get more stuff done in an hour than I seemed to manage in a week with young children. As a single parent, we may be setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves which just set us up for shame, disappointment, and exhaustion.
We cannot expect the same things from our solo selves as families with two parents. We don’t have four hands and two brains and two incomes, we only have our own selves and there are only 24 hours in a day. Expecting amazing and unrealistic things from ourselves is the quickest way I know to end up depressed and stressed. Instead, focus on what you really can do, what is important, and let everything else go. Maybe it will take you a full week to accomplish something that a two-parent family might do in an afternoon. So, what? Maybe you won’t serve up four-course meals after working two jobs and coaching the soccer team? So, what? And, maybe you can’t drive the car pool your “fair share” because you’ve got to work. Let it go. Set reasonable expectations for yourself as a single parent and celebrate all the things you are doing well.
Also: Single Parent Families Don’t Have to Be Chaotic
Making Tough Decisions and Choices on Your Own
Boost Your Single Parent Confidence