The best way to win the argument is to not participate in it. I’m serious. When you and your spouse argue and allow anger to flourish between you – chances are you’re going to bring up a lot of problems that you either still resent or that were not resolved previously. The minute you open that can of worms, you’ve both lost the argument, because you’re allowing ill feelings to invade your marriage.
Now does this mean couples should never argue? Maybe – but you can disagree without arguing. You can air out your feelings without arguing. You can debate an issue without arguing. You can even hash out problems in a manner that is positive and encouraging rather than damaging.
Don’t Engage in the Fight
The problem with arguments is that arguments become fights in nothing flat. I’ve talked about the fact that just because a couple argues, doesn’t mean they are going to fight – but too often arguments get blown out of proportion. Too often how we argue is what causes damage to our marriage – not the root of the argument, but how we conduct the argument.
Don’t get caught up in trying to win an argument – when you spend all your time trying to win – you forget why the two of you are together to begin with. Marriages are partnerships. Partners protect each other and they have each other’s backs – even when they are angry with each other.
That means when you disagree you don’t:
- Attack your partner’s character
- Hurl baseless accusations
- Focus on your points to the exclusion of all else
- Assume you know what they are thinking and don’t listen to what they are saying
- Bring up every incidence of disagreement in your pasts
If you can do all these things, if you can protect your partner even when you disagree, then you both win the argument – no matter the outcome. Because what you win is better communication, trust and faith in your marriage – who doesn’t want that?
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