Compromise is not the easiest thing in the world to do. For those of us who are married – well, compromise sounds pretty on paper, but when you’re both stubborn, set in your ways – coming to an agreement may seem easier said than done. Depending on how you have balanced the power in your marriage, it may be that one or the other of you has the final say on the matter or matters at hand – but more likely, as with most modern marriages—the idea of compromise is predicated on the idea that you are partners.
So How Do You Do It?
How do you achieve a compromise without resentment for both of you? First and foremost, understand that agreeing to disagree is sometimes an option – but if you do agree to disagree – don’t hang onto any anger or resentment for each other. The second thing to remember is that your spouse should come before other relationships – so if you are disagreeing over another person or relationship – then you need to evaluate why that other relationship is a bone of contention.
The following are some tips to help you compromise without resentment or anger:
- Lines of communication – keep them open and keep the conversation going. Even when you disagree – the silent treatment shouldn’t be a technique for winning an argument
- Express how you feel in I statements – let your spouse know if you are disappointed or angry
- Be reasonable – just because you feel one way does not automatically preclude your spouse’s personal feelings on a subject
- Ask yourself the following question: are you disagreeing on a principle or out of habit? If it’s out of habit, time to make a new habit
- Work together to look at the pros and cons of a situation – that helps you both to make a fair decision
- Before the compromise is final – make sure it’s what you both want and that there are no lingering feelings of resentment on either side
How do you and your spouse reach a compromise?
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