No matter how good our marriage or how loving a relationship we are in, we’ve all of us no doubt had times when we’ve been hurt by a comment or something our spouse has done. But what do we do about it? We cannot undo what was done or said. We can choose how we respond to it.
Some people faced with a situation like this will withdraw or pull back from the person. After all they don’t want to be hurt again. They refuse to tell their spouse what the problem is and keep saying nothing’s wrong. But in their minds they keep going back to the comment or the actions and dwelling on it. Maybe you have reacted like this in your marriage. It is not helpful, because it doesn’t give a chance to work through the problem.
Other people might tell their spouse what’s wrong and talk it through but then still hang onto it. This is just as much of a problem. Holding onto a grudge is dangerous in marriage. Holding onto a grudge means a root of bitterness springs up and that then colors everything else your partner says and does. A marriage with a root of bitterness is destined for trouble.
The only real solution to dealing with a hurt is to talk it through, explain to your partner why you feel hurt and then let it go and forget about it. It certainly doesn’t mean playing the blame game and keeping score of hurts or wrongs and certainly not continuing it bring it up the next time you have an argument or something your spouse does displeases you. It also doesn’t mean telling your friends about it.
What it does mean is letting it go. Whenever you’re tempted to think about it, try thinking instead of the positive qualities of your spouse and accentuating them. Try thinking of something you can do to please them- just because you love them.
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