Why is it that sibling rivalry gets all the attention when they are countless examples of siblings that get along great? It’s the same reason that the crying child gets a parents attention more often than their quiet sibling. Siblings who already have a great relationship don’t need any help it’s the siblings who battle that need attention.
What causes sibling rivalry?
- Children don’t get to choose whom their brothers and sisters are.
- Conflicting personalities. Two controlling children will fight more than a dominant and passive child will.
- Competition for parental love and attention.
- Position in the family and the responsibilities and traits associated with it.
- The sex of the child. A family of all boys may compete with each other. A sister may be jealous of the time dad spends with her brother.
- Age is a big factor. Children may get along fine when younger then fight when the older becomes a teenager and differences are more pronounced.
- Parents deal with each child differently and children often perceive it as unfair.
How can parents combat sibling rivalry?
- Don’t worry about treating your children equally. It is not possible because the needs of each child are different. You shouldn’t allow your eight year old to stay up later because your twelve year old does.
- Spend time with each child on an individual basis. Make sure that you aren’t as a father spending more time with your son than your daughter or vice versa.
- Realize that children need their own space. If children must share a room you might allow a child to use your room for some alone time or set up time when the child can have their room to themselves.
- Don’t give into the “It’s not fair” strategy. Certain things will happen because of a child’s age or circumstances.
- Make sure that you are not putting undue pressure upon your oldest child, ignoring your middle child, or not expecting enough out of your youngest child.
- If you know certain things will bring conflict, like one child being allowed to stay up late, attend a party, or other event, intervene early, explain why the privilege is being allowed, and control the situation.