Research from the Search Institute shows that children even teenagers need boundaries. They need to have clear rules and consequences. They need parents who know where they are and who they are with. Part of these boundaries consists of establishing a curfew.
Establish a curfew when your children are young. Don’t decide what your child’s curfew will be the night of an activity. If you establish the curfew so your children know what is expected before a situation arises there will be less conflict. You should also discuss what the consequences will be if the curfew is broken.
Allow your children to provide input on the curfew time. If your child protests that all of her friends have a later curfew find out for yourself. Talk to their parents and find out there reasons for their curfew time. But remind your child as parents you have the final say.
Base your decision on your family’s situation and the area that you live in. I recently was talking to a friend who commented that her sons had a later curfew than her daughters. Because they lived in a rural area and her sons had to take their dates home first before coming home themselves, it took them longer to get home. Some communities also have curfew laws so adjust your child’s curfew accordingly.
Be willing to adjust the curfew when necessary. If your children are involved in an activity where they are going to be later, like a dance or an activity that is some distance away, be flexible. Getting in at a certain time isn’t as important as knowing where your children are. My parents had a flexible curfew based upon the activity that we were doing. But as kids we were also aware that if the curfew were broken we would loose the flexibility.
Of course as your children get older their curfew should change as well. While in college I stayed overnight at a roommate’s house over Christmas break. We were required to be in my midnight, which I thought was funny. Since at college we had stayed out much later. My parents on the other hand felt that I shouldn’t have a curfew since I was in college. They did ask where I was going though.
If curfew is broken make sure that you enforce the consequences. The Search Institute recommends that “when boundaries are broken, don’t give the impression that your children or teenagers have failed, instead, use these situations to teach about responsibility.”
Besides having a set curfew find out where your kids are going and who they are going with. Ask questions until you are satisfied with their answers. Ask your child to leave phone numbers and remind them that you might check up on them if you have any concerns.
Praise your children when they come home on time. Let your children know how much you appreciate it when they let you know where they are going and meet their curfew. Stress how important as a parent it is that you know where they are in case of an emergency and for peace of mind.
Setting boundaries, like curfew, is part of providing a safe family environment for your child. The Search Institute reminds parents, “Making young people part of the curfew discussion and establishing clear expectations and consequences gives them some of the independence they are looking for while still maintaining the boundaries they need to thrive.”
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