Marriage comes with arguments even with the most loving couples. Two separate people have two separate opinions sometimes. Fighting while not pleasant isn’t necessarily bad for you marriage, as long as you fight fair. Here are some tips.
Never Hit Below the Belt
As the person closest to your spouse, you have some a pretty lethal arsenal of weaponry that you could potentially throw at your spouse in times of anger. But hitting below the belt on sensitive topics will only betray the trust your spouse has for you, not win the argument. It is tactics such as these that can really erode a relationship.
What happens if you aren’t aware that something you are saying is hitting below the belt? Have a code word between you that can be said to indicate when things have gone too far. A word such as “safety,” might be good, or any sort of word that you agree upon will work.
If you do inadvertently hit below the belt while fighting, immediately apologize. A simple, “I’m sorry for saying that. I am still angry, but it was the wrong thing to say,” is good enough.
Use Confrontation to Heal and Not to Hurt
Approach any discussion, even an argument, with the goal of healing or improving the issue, not hurting your spouse. As the argument progresses, try to remind yourself of your goal. While you may be frustrated at having to do all of the housework, will telling your spouse that he or she is worthless actually improve the situation? And here is another side of this point. Sometimes individuals put being right as more important that the relationship. A solution should benefit both parties somehow, not have one winner standing while the other slumps off in defeat. When both of you feel good that you resolved an issue, it will improve your emotional bond and make you feel closer.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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