When it comes to getting a preschooler to do what you want or need him to do, there is a simple little trick that can stop the “no!” in its tracks.
If I may brag a little bit for a moment, our children are usually complemented on their behavior when they are out in public or over at a friends house. Of course, there are a lot of factors involved here, such as making sure that they have had enough rest, that they are well fed, and the fact that the people complimenting our kids don’t actually live with us to see the challenges that do occur at home.
There is one big trick that I have learned from interviewing childhood behavior experts has made a big difference in having our children be cooperative and attentive, at least most of the time. It was one of the best pieces of advice that I have heard yet. When you want your preschooler (or even toddler) to do what you ask, tell him, don’t ask.
In polite society, we don’t generally demand that our needs or wants are met. We ask nicely, as in, “Could you please pass the salt?” or “Is it okay if we leave the party now?”
We extend this type of questioning statement when we discipline our young children, and unfortunately, they usually don’t get it. Saying something such as, “Do you want to pick that up?” can get interpreted literally by a preschooler. In their minds, he thinks, “Well, no, I don’t” and the conversation is ended for him, while you repeat the question in frustration. You have given him the option not to comply, and he is taking it happily.
Another question form is adding on the work “okay” to the end of statements, as in, “We are leaving the park now, okay?” The preschooler thinks, “Of course this isn’t okay, I am having fun!”
For one week, try telling your child what you want instead of asking (be sure to allow plenty of choices in other areas) when you really need him to listen. Then let me know if it indeed may a difference in the non-compliance.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here or subscribe to the blog using the subscription box on the right.
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