Hurt Feelings and Rejection Parents Families.com

In a recent poll conducted by Child Magazine, 71% of respondents oppose policies that are designed to protect a child’s feelings of rejection. This includes not keeping scores at sporting events and giving all players, not just the winners, trophies.

This was the first time I had heard of such a policy and I must say I am shocked that such a policy would exist. Rejection is a part of life and kids have to learn to deal with it. Are we doing our kids a disservice by not preparing them for the real world? In a word, “yes”.

Remember the saying, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game?” If we teach our kids that doing their best is what really matters, why should their feeling be hurt if they lose? And what about the actual winners, what message does it send to them?

The summer before Hurricane Katrina, Tyler played softball and he received a trophy at the end of the season. However, the trophy was for participating not for winning (or not winning). The winning teams received much-deserved, bigger trophies and that’s the way it should be. Everything we teach or kids from the time they are born should be preparation for the real world. And rejection is about as real world as you can get. What’s going to happen when your child goes in for a job interview and he does not get the job, how will he deal with the rejection? Or what about not getting into the college of their choice, or getting the boy or girl of their dreams?

As adults, we face rejection daily. As a writer, I know all too well the face of rejection. Sometimes I wonder why I bother to do this, day in and day out. When you send a query to an editor, you might get an assignment or you might get a rejection letter. It’s something you learn to deal with and you don’t take it personal. If you do, you will never get enough work to survive because you won’t want to keep putting yourself out there for fear of being rejected.

So, if your kids are going to participate in a sporting event, I think they have to learn to deal with rejection. I think that scores should be kept and I think trophies and ribbons should be given to the winners. If trophies and ribbons are given to everyone they should be different. That’s my opinion. Yours?