Just as my children have grown and changed over the years, I know that I too have changed quite a bit. Sure, there are some core values that have remained but parenting has changed me. Other life adventures have had their way with my personality and personal skills as well, but I think it is important to acknowledge that I am so not the same parent I started out as all those years ago.
I think we have a tendency to think that our children have changed and we have “always been the same” or that when we reach adulthood, our personalities become “locked” in place. Neither is true, of course. Heck, I didn’t even start drinking coffee until I turned thirty! When I started out as a parent, I didn’t realize how the personalities of my kids, as well as the unfolding life events would shape and change me.
I say all this because I often find myself talking with parents of young ones who think they need to have all the answers early on. I try to warn them that just when they THINK they have figured out the answers, their children will change the questions—but we have a tendency to be so hard on ourselves as parents as to expect perfection.
Wisdom might come later. Or you might find that while you really struggle parenting babies and preschoolers, you hit your stride when your child enters middle school. I have been shocked at my response to my children as teenagers and quite surprised at how I was able to grieve their passing childhood and adjust to the challenges of this age. A few years ago, I thought I was going to crash and burn as a parent!
You will evolve, change, shift—your priorities will change and some of the “philosophies” you hold dear one year may be tossed aside for more working theories the next. It is natural to change over the years and it doesn’t mean that you are lacking in consistency. You can still be a firm, consistent parent and allow for natural evolution as well.
Also: Boundaries 101 for Older Kids (And Their Parents)
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