Resentment is a tough one for me—it was a big issue for me in the years I was married and over the years since, I have been able to diffuse and release a great deal of it. I do not generally feel resentful in other areas of my life but I can still have bouts of it when it comes to the realities of a single parent!
What I have learned is that resentment can be toxic—at least for me. The longer I allow it to bubble and seethe, the more damage it can do for me on a mental and physical health level. Besides, I just do not like what resentment brings out in me. As much as I would love to blame others and push my resentment off on other people, I have also learned that it is up to me to address, diffuse and cope with whatever might be going on in my life that is causing resentment.
Exhaustion, mess, feeling taken advantage of, being ignored or disrespected—these are all big triggers for me when it comes to resentment. You can probably see why they were huge in an unhappy marriage, and can probably relate when I share that they can come up in parenting too. I have learned that identifying resentment bubbling away is the first step, figuring out how to get it out and address it is the next one. Sharing my feelings with my kids using “I” statements helps, but they are kids—they don’t always get it. I also find that if I chat with a friend, jot it down in a journal, or get it out in some other healthy way, I am able to let it go and process the resentment before it becomes something huge and poisonous.
Also: Dealing with a Child’s Resentment
Hostility and Resentment Have no Place in Business