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I Just Want To Scream

As a single parent I’m learning every day. The biggest lesson I’ve learned, and the one I struggle with most is that I don’t always have to be strong. It’s ok to admit that I need help. This so hard for me, as I think it is for most single parents.

After experiencing a failed marriage we feel like failures. That thought haunts us so we feel like we always have to have it together when it comes to parenting our children. Admitting that you need help is almost like admitting failure and when it comes to our kids, we will not fail.

Some days seem like they were designed to wear us down. We oversleep, the kids are cranky, the car is making a funny noise and the washer overflows. Some days I just want to scream, just get in my car, go for a drive and scream until all of the frustration is out of me.

That’s not always possible or even advisable. Neither is holding everything in on the mistaken notion that asking for help is admitting defeat or weakness.

We are human, every last one of us, thus, imperfect. To strive for perfection, and then hold ourselves to that standard, in something as unpredictable as parenting, is setting yourself up to fall.

We would not hold our children or anyone else to the standards we impose on ourselves. I’m always happy when a friend asks for help, it’s nice to be needed, but I struggle to do the same.

It’s time to be nice to myself. Being Hailey’s parent is my responsibility, one that I love, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to make mistakes. I need help sometimes, and it’s time to start recognizing that. I always worry about being that annoying friend who always needs something, I know my friends would never view me like that, but it’s something I need to overcome.

I’m a work in progress, with lots of stops and starts and construction along the way. I need to start doing things for me and on this beautiful day, I think I will go for a drive and scream to my hearts content.