My first maternal instinct is often to jump in and save the day. I know I’m not alone. We want to protect and nurture our children and keep them safe and successful. How can we train ourselves to NOT jump in with our Wonder Parent cape flying behind us and let our child know that we truly believe he or she can handle some of the tough stuff on their own?
I have a line I tell my children—that is really as much for me as it is for them. I will tell them: “I have complete confidence in your ability to handle this situation.” I really do have confidence in them, and they know that I’m still standing by. But, I think that we both need to hear me say out loud that I’m not going to but in and that I really do believe in them, and believe in their ability to handle what comes their way. After all, isn’t it common wisdom that we are not given anything that we can’t handle? I think this goes for kids too.
Of course, I am not advocating abandonment or letting our children struggle along with unmanageable problems—we still need to be advocates and supporters. But, by stepping in to soon—we send a message that we don’t think our child is capable or competent and that we DON’T think that he or she can handle life’s bumps. They can. We can let them. And in the long run, they become stronger and more resilient individuals. Not to mention, there is something about knowing that your mom or dad complete believes in you that gives you the ability to take all sorts of risks and withstand hardships—after all, if we believe they can handle it and do anything, they certainly can!
See Also: Modeling Resiliency
Encouraging Children to Take Risks
How Many Ways Can We Solve This Problem?