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I Love Crash Diets

I’ve spent years denying the fact that I am a crash diet addict. It’s true—tell me that the latest phase is drinking cactus juice 20 times a day, and I’m there. It’s not my proudest admission, but I suspect I’m not alone.

I’ve tried just about every diet known. I’ve spent 10 days on the Cabbage Soup diet only to have my breath smell horrid and, well, let’s just say there are other side effects. I’ve tried Slim Fast only to wind up using it as a beverage instead of a meal. If you’ve ever done this, you know that the result is weight gain not loss. I’ve eaten whole grains; I’ve eaten no grains; I’ve eaten constantly or once per day; I’ve even thought about buying diet gum.

By far, I’ve tried doing a protein diet the most. I had great success on it about nine years ago. I lost a lot of weight and kept it off for three years (three GLORIOUS years, thank-you-very-much) until I got pregnant with my first child and gained 60 pounds, which never left my body. Since then I’ve started a protein diet just about every day. I usually cave by lunch. On the rare occurrence that I do make it through the first day, I last no more than a week. I can lose up to nine pounds in one week, but the second I go off the diet, to sneak a sandwich in or (gasp) my kids’ Goldfish crackers, the scale punishes me and flies back up.

So what’s a crash-diet addict to do? Eat consciously. Say sayonara to the fads, the gimmics, the diets passed around the Internet that were likely created by a really skinny bored person just to see how fast it would spread. Follow basic guidelines of good health.

Funny, I hear myself saying the words, but somehow I know that come next week, I’ll likely be eating eggs again for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Have you had success breaking the fad diet craze? If so, please share your story with me. I’m sure a lot of us could use the inspiration.