Well, I did it. In spite of how often I talk about adoption, I was nervous about going to Meg’s first-grade classroom, where her classmates had been pressing her about whether she was adopted and who her “real” mom was. (I talked about this in a recent blog.) I’ve done presentations on Korean heritage in the past, sometimes including adoption and sometimes sticking strictly to describing the holiday or customs, (You can read my blog about these presentations by clicking here.)
I learned that it’s not easy to decide what’s right for your child, no matter how well-informed you may think you are. I agonized over what books to bring to the class, and spent money on several new books I found online. I had decided to use books as a way of talking about adoption, both to focus on the topic without focusing intensely on my daughter, and because the class already had a “guest reader” program where parents signed up to read about a topic.
I decided to bring three books: my daughter’s favorite, William is my Brother (reviewed here), a new one I’d ordered specifically for this presentation called What is Adoption?, and Things Little Kids Need to Know .
My daughter seemed pleased to see me and welcomed me with a hug, which surprised me given that she had told me not to come speak on adoption and for several months had been ignoring me in front of her friends.
Things Little Kids Need to Know is really a preschool-age book and never directly mentions adoption. Instead, a young boy describes all the things he will show his little sister—and the last page concludes, “Just as soon as Mommy brings her home from across the world.” I read this first, and asked the class what they thought was meant by the last sentence. Some said they didn’t know; a few suggested that the mother had taken the baby on a trip. The student teacher and I gave a few clues—she said that when she was a kid she had taken a trip to Korea with her family to meet her brother. I repeated, “so he didn’t travel there with you, you met him there…” Meg was grinning at me. Finally one of the kids said “adoption”.
Now that the kids were engaged, I read What is Adoption? by Sophie Stergianis and Rita McDowell. This is a very informative book for elementary-aged students. It is told from the viewpoint of a girl who learns that her close friend was adopted. She has many questions for him, his mother and her own mother. You can read my full review of this book here.
William is My Brother is a lighter book about two brothers, one born to their parents and one adopted. It was nice to end the session on a less complex book with some humorous moments.
The kids, although engaged, did not ask questions about adoption when I invited them to. As I was leaving, one girl rushed up and asked me if Meg was adopted. I said, “Meg gets to answer those questions.” Meg was right there and nodded a vigorous “yes”. Meg also asked me to leave the books in the class for a few days so kids who had been out of class that day could see them.
I asked Meg later if anyone else had asked her about adoption. She said no. The fact that Meg was pleased about my coming and seemed comfortable telling her friend that she was adopted made the afternoon a success in my book. I think the kids learned some things and thought about some new things. Next year I may do a similar presentation earlier in the year. I also decided to donate What is Adoption? To the class (after all, my younger daughter will be in there soon) and to purchase another copy for the second grade and for the school library.
I think the teacher was relieved to have a topic to fill one of the last days of school, I think Meg was relieved to see her classmates now informed and accepting, and as for me—I’m relieved it’s over!
Please see these related blogs:
What Is Adoption?–A Book Review
Book Review: William Is My Brother
Things All Children Should Know About Adoption
Adoption and Heritage Presentations at School