Every day I hear the same two words emit from my little one’s mouth as she begins a sentence. In fact, I hear this several times a day. It seems she would not know what to say if she did not begin a sentence with “I want…” For the most part this is not a terrible thing. Mothers spend a great amount of time guessing the wants of their children before they are too young to speak. Mothers wish for the day the child can simply communicate her wants. Mothers spend a great amount of time securing the wants and needs of her child so far be it for the child to assume differently as she grows. Yet, in time hearing “I want” preceding requests for toys, cookies, items that belong to someone else or harmful items becomes wearing. I have found myself trying to redirect my child to communicate her wants in another way as the “I want” was frankly nerve wracking.
I learned that I did not care as much about the “wants” as the “needs”. My job as a parent is not to provide every want yet to provide every need. A young child is incapable of discerning wants from needs as they feel similar even to most adults. It is in that understanding we need to show grace. A child needs to be gently trained into discerning “wants” from “needs.” A child also needs to learn to ask for a want or need and not demand it. While it sounds perfectly acceptable for a child to say, “I want water” the phrase needs to be adjusted to “may I have water?”
Turning the “I want” phrases into “may I have” phrases does not have to be a point of contention. It needs gentle reinforcement and does not require punishment. With my little I simply say, “You are asking for a cookie. So may you have a cookie?” or “May I have a cookie, please?” From that point I simply decide my answer and give it. I was quite surprised how this Jedi Mind trick worked. Soon my little one adjusted to asking without me doing more than reinforcing it and not forcing it. There is a time for firm, no nonsense discipline and punishment. There is also a time to guide and train in a gentle manner as little ones are just learning communication skills and discernment.